Recently, I wrote a blog post on note in Japanese about a feeling I’ve been reflecting on: the desire to be celebrated.
「祝われたい」という感覚
https://note.com/tonyaharding/n/na647f9fd2c79
Over the years, I’ve attended countless weddings and parties. I rarely turned down an invitation, and in many cases, I even performed at these celebrations. Some of these events were truly enjoyable, with hosts who went to great lengths to entertain their guests. But at the core, these occasions were more about fulfilling the desires of those who wanted to host a ceremony, rather than something entirely satisfying for the attendees.
I came across a tweet that made me pause and think deeply.
40代になって思ったけど、
20代の時に行った友達の結婚式って正直無駄な出費だったと思う。
なぜならば、結婚式に行った友達は全員連絡取れないし、連絡こないし、離婚してるし、別に連絡もしたくもないから。 pic.twitter.com/lafQsL4TFY— 投資家SIN (@shinichiroh13) August 18, 2024
Now, I wouldn’t go so far as to call it all pointless. After all, the main focus is on creating lasting memories for the couple, not on seeking something in return. However, I can’t help but notice that some of the people whose weddings I attended, where I either played music or even emceed, have since divorced. In fact, I can think of several couples who, despite the beautiful ceremonies, didn’t make it. It makes you wonder about the high divorce rate—even without looking at the statistics, it’s something you just feel.
I’ve lost touch with most of the people from those events. I might cross their minds occasionally, but for the most part, I’m completely forgotten. In some cases, they might even think I’ve disappeared from the face of the earth. This isn’t just because I withdrew from social media a few years ago; it’s more about the fact that these relationships faded naturally over time.
About ten years ago, when I was financially struggling and not in the best place in life, I still somehow managed to scrape together enough to attend these events. Looking back, I realize I prioritized these occasions over getting my life together. Maybe it was pride or the desire not to disappoint by sending a regretful RSVP. I’d rather sell something or take on a little debt than miss out.
But honestly, I often wondered: Why do people want to be celebrated so much?
Thankfully, I’ve found a partner who shares this sentiment with me.
I’ve traveled to many places and attended several over-the-top parties that didn’t align with my own feelings. We often talk about the importance of diversity in values, and while marriage remains a significant life event for many, I’ve always seen it as something similar to the Olympics—something that doesn’t particularly interest me, but if it brings others joy, they should go ahead and celebrate.
When it comes to birthdays, I also find the trend of screenshotting one’s birthday screen on social media and asking for congratulations a bit uncomfortable. I can understand it, maybe, for young women in their early twenties. But when adults—men and women alike—keep doing it, it’s just not my thing.
To me, birthdays should be a time to reflect and appreciate the family and environment that have kept you alive until now. The Harding family has always celebrated birthdays earnestly, especially since my niece was born. Perhaps this is why I find it so hard to relate to the idea of asking strangers, whether online or in real life, to celebrate me.
The one exception is when you’re out at a restaurant, and the lights dim for a birthday cake to be brought out for someone at another table. I love that! I don’t know who they are, but I’ll clap along and join in with the birthday song. It’s a small moment that brings everyone a bit of joy.
But social media is different. It’s filled with unwanted noise—information and emotions that I’d rather not see.
As for weddings, I wish they could focus more on expressing gratitude. If you’re bursting with happiness, it’s fine to involve others in that joy. But let’s make sure it’s an occasion where gratitude is at the forefront.
Lastly, I’ve had several friends on social media share their genuine feelings—expressing how they want to be celebrated or how they wish they could have attended more weddings. I can’t criticize them for that. Everyone has their own story and reasons behind these feelings.
However, I still find it difficult to deal with the visible numbers, envy, and jealousy that come with social media. It just doesn’t sit well with me.
